Mystic masseur

Sat Sri Akal, this post comes after the disgusting report of Nanavati Commission on sikh riots is splashed on the front page of newspaper. The page2 of the daily is filled with intricate details of murders in the city (details right to the fact that culprit was wearing Armani) they spoke of attempts which were successful and the mournful unsuccessful. The page3 is again littered with gore and more murders, more accidents, more blood. Read the page4 obituaries, making sure none of my relatives had died I took a quick scan of rest of the pages I come to the “Classified” section . This has a strange milieu – bright coloured ads selling water filters a.k.a reverse osmosis, ultrasonic pest repellers, water heaters, kitchen chimney, inverters with sinewave and navjot sidhu with consciousness. Ok the last one wasn’t available.

The ads under “Health and Fitness” always make an interesting read. Some excerpts :-
“Millee – want a massage, 5-7 star, home/hotel………………… contact:[number] “
For an ingenuous reader in search of a relaxing massage may fall for the pose but for the prying lecherous eyes like mine they give more than that. Brilliant advertising always amuses me and some are outrightly funny. Here’s one

“ If u want broadminded, decent massage, male/female, full satisfaction
.........contact: Pamela [number] “

Well ever heard of a broadminded massage, emollient iodex can be relieving but broadminded – I don’t think so.

“We assure about quality & hygiene, call Lopez:[number] for luxurious massage”

Don’t talk of hygiene, my Brahmin friend Chaturvedi takes 4 baths a day
( and four less than that I take )

Available Russians, Arabian, Persian escort 24 hours - another indian genius and another instance of outsourcing other than IT. Talking in alias names like Lopez, Pamela, Jane etc makes them feel international but its just hilarity for me.

Top of the pops

I know i've fallen into a trap since that blasted VH1"Top 100 artists" came out last year. Anyway apart from barfing on the fact that it didn't include artists from our part of the world i've come up with my own list of top five:

1.Mohammad Rafi

Rafi Sahab was one of the greatest forces in the history of the Indian sub-continent culture. His Immortal Golden Voice still rules the hearts of millions of Indian music lovers the world over.In his music circles he was simply known as 'The Voice' because he was so famous for the way he put his heart and soul into every rendition. Rafi Sahab was the greatest and it is impossible to conceive of another singer ever attaining the range, the versatility and the awesome emotion that his golden voice always contained. Rafi Sahab had picked up the rudiments of music from a fakir while already possessing a God-gifted voice. When he was barely seventeen years old, and sang his first playback song for a Punjabi film, 'Gul Baloch' under the music direction of the late Shyam Sunder in 1941, Rafi Sahab was illiterate and had to commit the words to memory before he could go before the microphone. When it came to remembering any melody though, there never was a problem. The young genius in the making needed only to hear a melody once to not only commit it to memory, but also suggest improvements to the tune. Following the popularity of his Punjabi song, Rafi Sahab took the final big step in his life and ventured off to Bombay to realise his dreams of making singing his career. In 1942 he arrived in Bombay to sing, again under the music direction of Shyam Sunder for the movie 'Gaon ki Gauri'. Although Rafi Sahab had several 'hit' songs during these early years, he never-the-less had tough competition from respected singers like Manna Dey, Talat Mahmood, Hemant Kumar and Mukesh. I remember his nonchallant style of singing "Main barbaadio ka jashna mana ta chala gaya, har fikra ko dhuyain main udaa ta chala gaya....." thats everytime time i see my college result Rafi Sahab was the sort of genius who appears once in a life-time ; unique, his golden voice continues to flow like essence drawn from several jewels, a constellation which enriches, in a mystical way, the firmanent of music, the spiritual peak of eternal silence and of the celestial world that listens to itself through the voice of cherubic Mohammed Rafi, the immortal singer who is interpreter of that very sublime silence.

2.Kishore Kumar

Kishore kumar brother of Anu and Ashok went on to become an icon of his generation and the indian music industry itself. Having sung one of the most memorable hindi songs and for directing a lot of them he gets a second place in this hallowed list. His genius lay beyond singing, he was a tremendous music director and few people know he was an amazing lyricist. I tell what’s good, listening to KishoreDa at 100km/hr on a free highway,it is because the voice transcends time itself. Irrespective of how many years pass his voice remains fresh in our memory. Even after 100yrs from now when 102.6Mhz plays his music your moron friend will tell you its a 50year old song, change the channel please, which means the piece gains 50yrs in our biological clock of collective memory (that u will understand if you get the logic).

3. R.D Burman

A lot already said about him so I won’t blabber my critique. Pancham Da was quintessential of the Wakaw! generation catering to people half his age. His music is popular even now and is a staple for every remix album company. Jhankar Beats said it right he’s the “Boss”.

4.A.R Rahman

A musician with humble beginning Dilip Kumar hardly knew he would make it big one day. After embracing the Islamic identity of A.R Rahman and a few south indian hits he tried his hand in hindi movies. Being intrinsically inclined towards new sounds and experimentation with the use of synthesiser for background scores he created his own genre. Soon shehnai, harmonium and strained notes of Lakshmikant-Pyarelal became passe’ and A.R Rahman brought Mumbai the “latesht maal”. He was the only music director could propel mediocre movie to box office succes for instance remember Dil Se…

5.Still looking for 5th

If anybody has his own ideas how top5 should read, plz leave comments. Those who have got AnuMalik’s name for the fifth space don’t even think about it.